A Knight’s Tale (2001)

A young squire with a gift for jousting assumes his master’s identity following his sudden death. Seeking to make it big in the jousting world, he sets out for England’s national competition, experiencing love, adventure and myriad unfunny moments along the way.

First, let me explain why I have even seen this film. At least an hour from any even moderately-sized city, the town where I attended college has one traffic light and a small movie theatre that played one picture at a time (only old movies). There weren’t a lot of options. That said, it was still a colossal waste of time that could have been better spent drinking beer, puking or getting arrested. The central character, William Thatcher, is played by Heath Ledger, notable only for the fact that he dated fellow Aussie Naomi Watts. Determined to make it big in England’s national jousting tournament, he sets out to raise money in the satellite events with an unfunny group of companions in tow.

The pointless movie is unrealistic, painfully predictable, historically inaccurate and contains some of the worst acting you will ever see on screen, but that’s not even the point. All of that could be overcome if there were funny sequences, interesting dialogue or even dumbed down slapstick. Problem is, A Knight’s Tale has none of these! It is quite possibly the least funny movie of all time. Nike swooshes on armor? Queen playing in the background? When you can’t muster a few laughs when you know the film is out to mock itself, you know there are problems. Anyone who enjoyed this movie should seriously have his/her head examined. The bathroom at my old fraternity house didn’t stink this much.

Also Watch.

• Ace Ventura: Pet Detective (1994)
• Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls (1995)
• Adaptation (2002)
• A Fistful Of Dollars (1964)
• A History of Violence (2005)
• The Green Mile
• The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
• Alfie (2004)
• Ali (2001)